Showing posts with label Terrorism. Show all posts
Reacting to the uproar of BJP in the Parliament on completing 11 years for first Parliament attack in India, the Indian Government promised that it will search the roots of the key issue that why it has not hanged Afzal Guru in first place and understand why it didn't want to hang him till date.
"We are committed to Indian people to answer why we had not hanged Afzal Guru till date. After getting that answer we will hang him," said Congress General Secretary Janardhan Dwivedi.
Answering the questions of media on ruckus created by BJP, Mr. Dwivedi said "I don't understand why BJP creates so much of rhetoric on some paltry issues and keep the working of the session closed everyday. We have appointed a special five people search committee to find out the exact reasons why we have kept Afzal Guru's decision hanging till date."
A five team committee will be headed by Rahul Gandhi with associates including Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Manish Tewari and Abhishek Manu Singhvi. According to sources, the committee will also fulfil the demands of every Indian that Rahul Gandhi should get a larger role in the party. By inclusion of Abhishek Manu Singhvi, the party will allow him to make a come back in the politics again to attract votes of strong Indian women lawyers lobby.
After a strong reply to Opposition Party in Lok Sabha regarding the Afzal Guru's execution, Speaker Meira Kumar's exclusive talk to India Satire.
This day 13 people were martyred to save the Parliament. They did not sacrifice their lives for this, just to hang some small time terrorist. This is what I want to repeat what I said in Parliament. They just gave their lives just they wanted to give and not for any other reason. There is no reason why Opposition is wasting our time by asking why Afzal Guru is not hanged till date. My government is committed to Indian people that before we hang Afzal Guru, the government will search the exact reason why it has not hanged Guru in first place.
There is no reason why for last 8 years BJP is bashing our head on exclusive topic of Afzal Guru's execution. We ourselves don't know why he still there as alive and healthy. The reason should be found out in a due and diligent process. BJP could have silently asked us to appoint a special investigation to find the exact reason but by pulling plugs on the Parliament is no gentlemanly way.
I will have to notice BJP and Indian people that it was first of its kind of attack on Parliament in India and the world. Therefore, the case by default should not be solved in a hurry. Taking some time and understanding why he should be hanged, why he should not be hanged and why he is still there is necessary so that such incident will not happen again in the future. By taking adequate time to allow us to answer us all these questions we are actually stopping such a crisis to be happened again.
NEWS IN BRIEF – SPORTS, TERRORISM
Indian Cricket team management said that it gave tribute to 26/11 victims and martyrs by sacrificing its easy win against England.
"We actually could have easily finished English team in 3 days. However, to pay tribute to 26/11 martyrs we decided to stay unhappy and less motivated," said Mahendra Singh Dhoni, India's captain.
He said "It was our duty to remain less inspired and unenthusiastic today. Otherwise Bhajji could have easily scored a century in the first session of the match. Besides that the cricket pitch was also bad."
Answering the relationship between the disastrous incidence of 26/11 and loss against England, Dhoni said "Actually, it was the lack of motivation when we remembered that unfortunate event led us to the losing battle against England. We wanted to pay tribute by sacrificing something. Otherwise we are the best team in the world. We can easily beat England in England, Australia in Australia, so the best tribute was something to sacrifice which we do in a routine and effortless job. Therefore we decided to lose the match today."
Dhoni also confirmed that the team has decided to remain sluggish whenever it will remember those miserable events in the Indian history.
"Next time we would be defeated when we would remember Bhopal Gas Tragedy," said Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
(Apart from the sarcasm of the above story, the Team India Satire pays tribute to the victims and martyrs of 26/11)
A heated debate on NDTV show 'Is it time to debate the death penalty' finally reached a conclusion. All the experts unanimously agreed to 25000 as a minimum number of death toll by terrorist to consider as a death penalty from him.
All the experts said "We are agreed to the number 25000 which shows a mild intensity of terrorist attack and therefore a Judge can start whether to consider the case for death penalty. Our suggestion is echoed by our great and honorary investors from Gulf in Indian media."
The debate started after NDTV considered terrorist Ajmal Kasab's mercy plea before hanging when he said "Allah kasam, maaf kar do. Chhod do, aisi galti dobara nahin hogi." Anchor said that her eyes were wet when she saw the news.
The panelists also suggested that if the death number is below 200, the terrorist should let go to his home considering the negligible or very small harm to the society.
"Why should we take the law made by the God? Let him sort the things out in the heaven or hell," said an associate editor of The Hindu, who was present in the debate.
Sources said that before reaching to conclusion the anchor received a phone call from Saudi Arabia.
Special Note: Panelists disclosed that they have no stake in the terrorism, as none of their family members have died or injured in any kind of bomb blast, gun shootout or terrorist activity.
That way he would also remove perception about him that he is fuc*ing fearful guy
LeT Chief Hafeez Saeed decided to come to India with guns, and bombs and he will himself blast in the country's top metros. This way he decided to tribute Ajmal Kasab and remove general perception that he is not deep shit ass hole that affraid of Police firing and death execution by court.
"I want to prove that I am not shitty mole which fears of everything. I can face Police firing and let Indian Police come to me and fire me 50 or 50,000 bullets. I will come myself with gun and bomb alone and will attack like a Bollywood hero. That way I will also tribute Ajmal Kasab," said Lashkar e Taiba chief in a candid chat with India Satire correspondent post Kasab's execution.
He said "I don't affraid of a shit. I want to remove a tag that I am just a mother fuc*er that is saved by Pakistani politicians just to clean their as*es and toilets."
Hafeez Saeed was a bit strong and vocal this time saying that he had the courage to lift the gun and fight.
"I can lift upto 1.5kg of gun with 20 gms of 2 bullets," told Hafeez Saeed showing his arms with small biceps.
"The Almighty told me that I have strength to face 50000 bullets at a time. They (Indian Army) can come to me each and every army guy can shoot 50000 bullets still nothing will happen to me. I am like 'Amoeba' if one bullet touches my body it would just return back from my shit preserved tummy. I have courage even if thousands of bombs come to me they wouldn't do anything. I will remove the label of being a fuc*ing bas*ard that even fears an ant," said Hafeez Saeed with grave voice.
While Hafeez Saeed told that the date on which his arrival to India is yet to be decided he said nothing can stop me. "No other Pakistani or PoK guy will come to India. I will myself come and with guns and bombs. Even if you declare an execution my neck is made of steel," said Hafeez Saeed.
By the time, Indian Government announced that all Metros in India are on high alert.
However, many other journalists and editors gave same comments creating copy right issue
City news editor from a famous news channel expressed his displeasure and huge amount of sadness over Kasab's execution and also showed that entire news media support the innocent Kasab for getting injustice by the Indian Government. He expressed his views in line with other city based journalists, editors and reporters who expressed their displeasure on Kasab's death.
Seating in a bar with a glass of Old Monk, the City News Editor, representing one of the top News Channels of India said "Why did Government execute him? That poor and innocent baby, why did it take such an extreme step?"
Taking each and every sip of Old Monk with heavy heart, the editor said "Killing common man is so common and acceptable even by a terrorist, but why special guy like Kasab who just visited India (sob sob)?"
The comment came in line with the reactions from many editors and India's news media journalists who expressed their immense displeasure on the justice of execution.
IBN Lokmat editor Nikhil Wagle said "Kasab gone, but the world is full of extremists and idiots." Former Executive Editor of The Hindu, Malini Parthasarathy, said "Kasab hanged. How does legal sanction for retaliatory murder redeem the savagery of what is in essence an "eye for an eye" act of revenge?" (Special Note: Indian Government took a note on Malini's statement and is recommended for Noble Peace Prize).
According to FirstPost, writer and activist Meena Kandasamy was acidulous when she said: "feel sorry for the Indian tricolour. heartfelt condolences" while Newsweek International editor Tunku Varadarajan alluded to the paradoxical delivery of justice in the country: "India hangs man responsible for killing hundreds of Mumbaikars days after it lauds man responsible for killing thousands". His hashtags in the tweet were the giveaway as to whom he referred to.
However, City Editor said that he was original in his thought and always felt sorry for Kasab inside his thought. He also raised copy right related issues and told that the originality is important. Even while words can be different if the theme is copied it should also be considered as breach of copy right.
He said "These people copied my theme."
Giving his grave smile, he said "That Malini Parthasarathy is totally copy paste editor what the fu*k eye for an eye thing. Boss I give you original stuff. A terrorist can rape me, he can strip me and he also can kill me but don't take revenge, don't punish him and late him live peacefully."
The Editor completing his statement said "I always told myself that Kasab should not be hanged. I was the first who immediately after Police captured him in 26-11 massacre told my mind that this guy, this guy should not be hanged and therefore I was the first and the most original in thinking such way."
Many Talibanis and Pakistani terrorists found Lashkar-e-Taiba Supremo Mullah Hafeez Saeed having sessions of masturbation privately after the execution of Ajmal Kasab in Yerwada Jail, Pune. Sources said that Saeed was acting out of fear that if he was being jailed again in India he would not get chance to secretly masturbate and would remain deprived for world's best stress relieving technique.
"Janaab Saeed started pumping his cock up and down furiously when I told him that Kasab bhai executed in India," said Umanullah Khan, a street beggar in Pakistan who is actually learning these days how to shoot using AK-56.
He told India Satire correspondent "I was amazed and asked why he was masturbating. He said that even I should seat their and start masturbating otherwise I would also not get a chance to do it. He told me that Indian Jails don't give privacy and we can't relieve our stress. He was on rampant just before oozing out."
Sources said that Kasab complained Hafeez Saeed from jail that he was not getting opportunity to have self stimulation sessions while watching many beautiful virgin girls in his dreams.
"That made Janaab Saeed for having masturbation at same point of time. He doesn't want to remain destitute of the pleasure," said a close associate who witnessed the development.
He said "Janaab also asked all of us to have indoor sessions every day morning, afternoon, evening and night so that all of us whenever found attacking any of the Indian cities would not feel like deprived of this opportunity."
