Showing posts with label Opinion. Show all posts
Exclusive Column of Pakistan's Interior in a leading Pakistan daily
I wasn't aware that Indian media and politician will fuck me so hard just for visiting country's few of Dargahs and Masjids. Guys, but you know we are not easy pigs to get cut down as you want. We have learnt special tricks in the privilege camps on handling the Indian media whenever you visit India.
Thanks to Dear Sir Hafeez Saeed who is our special trainer and it is our proud that he personally gives us training on handling the Indian media which is always running behind Pakistani politician and Indian politicians which are for no reason sings song of peace.
As now I am in Pakistan the most peaceful country for only politicians, I can convey my actual message to the countrymen and few stupid of India. Boss there was only one intention that let me come over to India and that was just to visit few Dargahs and meet some Mullahs, and nothing else. I also came to mock few of interesting that I feel. I don't know why you guys always feel that whenever we come we will discuss on peace making process. Guys! With every peacemaking talk we push some other agenda too. To Indian politicians, I feel you guys are so idi*ts that whenever we Pakistani politicians come to India we can say anything but never that we will give you this or that. We also show that we have all power to say while whenever you guys come to India you commit us that you will give you will give that. Boss, Manmohan, you forgot to tell me when are you giving the Sir Creek to my Pakistani territory. Don't worry my dear lovely Pakistanis. I ensure that whenever any such politician will come to India he will promise us that he would give us Sir Creek, free power and food grains.
By the way Indian media who told you that we hid terrorists. We generally keep them open. Ask Abu Jundal. But whenever it comes to talk about it in the international community we make faces like nothing is hidden.
Guys! Pakistan is a big tummy with digestion problem which either is diseased by loose motions or continuous vomiting. However, we avoid both the things. Indigestion is caused by terrorism in the stomach. But we are so equipped with special training course that we poo in our pants but neither of you guys and nor the international community would come to know that our pants are shitty. Come to Pakistan, visit our villas and watch our pants with dirty colours.
(Special Thanks to ***, leading Pakistan English daily for giving republishing rights to India Satire)
After a strong reply to Opposition Party in Lok Sabha regarding the Afzal Guru's execution, Speaker Meira Kumar's exclusive talk to India Satire.
This day 13 people were martyred to save the Parliament. They did not sacrifice their lives for this, just to hang some small time terrorist. This is what I want to repeat what I said in Parliament. They just gave their lives just they wanted to give and not for any other reason. There is no reason why Opposition is wasting our time by asking why Afzal Guru is not hanged till date. My government is committed to Indian people that before we hang Afzal Guru, the government will search the exact reason why it has not hanged Guru in first place.
There is no reason why for last 8 years BJP is bashing our head on exclusive topic of Afzal Guru's execution. We ourselves don't know why he still there as alive and healthy. The reason should be found out in a due and diligent process. BJP could have silently asked us to appoint a special investigation to find the exact reason but by pulling plugs on the Parliament is no gentlemanly way.
I will have to notice BJP and Indian people that it was first of its kind of attack on Parliament in India and the world. Therefore, the case by default should not be solved in a hurry. Taking some time and understanding why he should be hanged, why he should not be hanged and why he is still there is necessary so that such incident will not happen again in the future. By taking adequate time to allow us to answer us all these questions we are actually stopping such a crisis to be happened again.
Asking us an explanation or giving judgment based on stupid freedom to expression/speech right is quite an easy thing but to be sure that it is really difficult for us to give explanation on every paltry thing that we do. As a professional lawyer first, I always had first thing in my mind to control the mouths of judges which always keep insulting great and most intellectual lawyers like us. However, when I became the politician I have to restrict myself showing my other side that reflects my humbleness and gratitude.
Now I am a communication minister, a more responsible guy. Though, many admire me for my naughty attitude I am still a very kind, humble and down-to-earth guy. I am a gem and outstanding model just like statue of liberty which is using every bit of freedom he got. I am also great guy who looks like Albert Aienstein just if we ignore the curly hairs part. I am so much intellectual that I cleared the long pending dearth of innovation in India by introducing a theory of Zero Loss. I have capabilities of monitoring the evils of society. I just don't monitor them I also put control on them. It is my duty to control people who with their all stupidity bash me on my ass like I am sh*t hole. As a responsible communication minister I also need to create an atmosphere for innocent people like me should have clear environment for breathing.
Dear Supreme Court I want to ask few questions. As a lawyer while I don't have any right, but as a great minister with huge popularity among intellectuals I want to ask you few questions. If you have balls answer me.
· We have right to expression whatever our evil mind thinks. But do you really believe that anybody fu*king idiot has a right to mock me?
· We have all the right to joke on Santa Banta but do we have right to joke on Rahul Baba who is more intelligent that paltry and sundry Santa Banta?
· While it is India's universal law that only politicians can say anything they want. But how stupid these mango men can talk on anything? Are they so mature enough to talk like intellectuals such as Suhel Seth, Arundhati Roy, Prahlad Kakkar or even Ramchandra Guha. No they are not proven intellectuals.
· And finally, just you got some cheap platforms like Facebook and Twitter to talk whatever you think, how do you become eligible to post any crap on admirable and adorable guys like us?
Hey Supreme Court, first give the answers to my question then only I will think to give you any explanation or not. Today's Mani Shankar and Mamata's case is totally a responsible use of Right to Express whatever fuc*ing you think and not what these stupid idiots posts any crap.
I can't express my feelings that I have been accumulating since the day 2G auction failed and government couldn't collect the require money to reduce fiscal deficit. It is difficult to measure my happiness as the auction failed by widest of margin that I expected. I specially want express my gratitude towards the current economic slowdown which was the major reason for failure of the 2G auction. Wow such an intense feeling that even Abhishek Manu never gets even after releasing orgasm.
I always felt that people are so stupid thinking that we are really concerned about the things make their life easier. Oh sucks! If that happens nobody would be happy in the world. Take example of A Raja. He found a simple way come here take the 2G license for free. It was a win-win situation. First take the license for free and then ask a foreign company to pay an exorbitant amount to buy a small stake in that company. We showed an easy way of becoming billion dollar company. As a populist government it was our first duty to build strong companies for the nation. We are a government and not like sadak chaap baniyas who usually charges for each-n-everything. How come CAG thought that we would have charged so much of fees on these small companies which were going to become biggies like Reliance?
Look at the estimate of Rs1.76 lakh crore. What stupid estimate that was? No company in India has such kind of amount to pay us. Further this is a no-profit and no-loss government and therefore it can't think from the profit making point of view. Therefore, A Raja thought of going in a unique way that was suitable for poor companies to apply for 2G license. Now this CAG measures everything in terms of profit and loss. This is the stupidest way of identifying the benefits to society. The government works in a simpler way. Allow to use natural resources for free of cost and collect the revenues from the middle class public. But CAG's way of tackling the entire issue was very complex.
I really feel that with failed auction CAG also lost the moral authority to suggest government that it should not make any losses by selling the natural resources for free of cost. We are selling water, air and sun light for free of cost. We started giving spectrum, coal and iron ore for free of cost. Tomorrow many other things such as land, trees and animals would be made available for free of cost to Indian companies. And in near future we will also sell you guys, you all guys at free of cost and then that time CAG will not say anything.
Today I am happiest man on the earth for not getting sufficient revenue from 2G auction to the nation. Wow! Such a marvelous feeling that I have.
Apologizing over his remarks on old wives, Sriprakash Jaiswal said it was when my wife told that I was wrong in making such remarks by showing me a danda I felt that I was really a stupid and idiot for making such remarks.
Madamji and God know that empty mind is devil's home and that is what happened with me. Just for mocking on a topic and make people happy I made such an idiotic statement. However, I didn't know that either Congress leaders don't have sense of humour or people don't understand such high level jokes.
Through the platform of India Satire, I would like to forgive all those idiots who misunderstood me and angered on me instead of laughing on my joke. Particularly, these human and woman rights idiots.
Dude, why don't you check the people like me who are now bored with one woman and loves variations can make such comment. And joke comes from the heart. Whatever you feel in real life and whatever you experience, you can either mock or outrage. While I strictly believe in peacefulness and don't outrage easily, I made the light of the situation by using my weird sense of humor. Last time I made same kind of intelligent humour by saying Prince Rahul can become India's Prime Minister anytime but some of India's dumb ass Congressmen just dumped me in coal again.
I am seriously demanding that Indians should raise their IQ and understanding of humour otherwise anything that comes as a humour or joke, they would react the same way. Madamji, I am dumbass because I made joke on Indians in front of Indians who don't have any sense of humour.
Messing woman means digging own grave in coal mine
He he he... don't mess with woman or she would send "..." to take the revenge. He he he, Sriprakash could have used my experience but he made the right mistake. Whenever you are in a woman related mess others laugh at you and whenever others are in the mess you can't stop laughing. These days I am in the second category. I can't stop laughing and laughing. Oh Jaiswal you are so funny he he he... he he he..
Jaiswal usually used to poke me why I didn't use condom. But the thing now I will have to ask him did he find a condom for his mouth. Now this guy is in total mess. The things seem to be messier than his coal issue. Now everything you should not talk in the public n yaar. I never talked about my affairs. See now its India Satire's platform therefore I am disclosing but it is not really public thing. My own affairs are at least 1786 and according to last count I have 4387 dudes as my kids. In spite of that only one guy claimed to be my son making me a better in terms of hit ratio. However, how much a dumbass this Jaiswal is as without even anybody had claimed to be his son or daughter, he himself raised the doubts in the minds of people that he must have something with somebody who is not his old wife.
I would like to give some suggestions to Sriprakash. First keep your mouth shut if you have had some energy. Second if you had energy and you did something that may pop up any time as like it happened with me then also keep your mouth shut. Third always keep your mouth shut as people are waiting when you open your mouth and they will just kick on it.
